Being a parent is hard. What are your parenting pitfalls?
How wrong we were! We discovered that we were making plenty of mistakes without even realising it and that most people around us were falling into the same common parenting pitfalls.
In fact between the two of us, Carole and I have made every common parenting mistake on the list below and still do from time to time!
We realised the importance of being aware of these common pitfalls as positive change cannot start without an acknowledgement of why these mistakes have such a negative impact upon our children.
Our intention is not to make parents feel guilty, because as parents ourselves we know exactly how hard raising kids can be, and despite all of our knowledge and experience we still make mistakes.
Our objective is to help increase your awareness of the effect that such mistakes can have on your children, so that you can identify areas where you might want to improve your skills and continue along your parenting journey with a renewed sense of confidence.
Here are seven of the most common mistakes that loving parents make: Over-praising and using positive reinforcement: Getting Angry and shouting: Common pitfalls in child parenting they do comply with our requests, it will only be out of fear and it will have very little impact on helping to improve their behaviour in the long-term.
By over-protecting them, we prevent them from making enough mistakes, which if handled well, are invaluable opportunities for learning. Although protecting our children and stopping them from making mistakes may sound like a positive thing, we are in fact inadvertently denying them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and take responsibility for their own actions.
The implications of this are that we are now faced with a new generation that is becoming increasingly dependent on their parents to do things for them, and who are less resilient to the trials and tribulations of adult life.
What we must strive to teach our children is that adversity is a part of life and in order to be prepared for all the challenges that life will undoubtedly throw their way, they need to learn skills that will help them cope and ultimately grow from their experiences.
Research shows that there is a long list of potential consequences of punishing. In the long-term, punishment not only damages the relationship and connection we have with our children, but it can also cause them to become resentful towards us and increasingly aggressive, and in many cases, they will learn to lie as a means of avoiding future punishment.
We may think that we are helping by doing this, but the reality is that we are not allowing children to deal with their feelings.
Children need to be given opportunities to practice patience and get used to experiencing feelings of sadness and frustration; they also need to be be allowed to learn from their own mistakes, as all these are essential life skills that will help to prepare them for the pressures of adult life.
Being a tiger parent: This style of parenting has become increasingly prevalent over the last decade and some children may react positively to it and excel academically.
There is a wealth of scientific research and anecdotal evidence to suggest that this can lead to serious anxiety for children and that they usually end up unhappy. We have described above the negative effects that such mistakes can cause.
Whether we are too strict or too lenient, neither approach is effective for raising our children to become resilient and autonomous adults in the long-term. In doing so, we are failing to teach them how to regulate their own emotions, which is a key factor in them being able to control their own behaviour and developing their emotional intelligence throughout the rest of their lives.
So what can we do about this? What we must remember is that all children require a more balanced and consistent approach to parenting, and all have emotional needs that it is our responsibility as parents to fulfil. These new skills and techniques are based on common sense and can help us have a much more harmonious family life and allow our children thrive.
Download our app by clicking on one of the links below: They are just amazing these kids of ours. We just found ourselves not managing to savour some of these moments and getting angry at them which was a real shame.
My goal is to raise a healthy, happy, socially responsible child who has the self confidence to fulfill his or her dreams or potential. Your goals for my child might be the same, but you also are trying to make a living in that pursuit, which makes our goals different.
We totally agree that listening and taking the time to know your child are essential. We discovered new research and tools that made it much easier to parent and keep the connection with our children, which is why we decided to make it our mission to share this with other parents.
We hope that the resources on our website and our free app can help you and other parents like us raise healthy, happy and socially responsible children with high self-confidence.Common Parenting Pitfalls to Avoid Perspectives on Parenting from Dayna Rust, LMFT Dayna Rust, who is featured in the following article, is the former Clinical Director at Turn-About Ranch.
In fact between the two of us, Carole and I have made every common parenting mistake on the list below (and still do from time to time!). We realised the importance of being aware of these common pitfalls as positive change cannot start without an acknowledgement of why these mistakes have such a negative impact upon our children.
That’s why it’s so important to try to avoid these common pitfalls, in order to maximise our child’s chances of growing up to be a responsible, self-reliant and happy adult.
We have found better alternatives to yelling/shouting, getting angry, rewarding, punishment etc. No one ever said parenting was easy. Here are five common pitfalls of parenting, and ways to avoid them. Parenting; Avoiding Common Pitfalls December 18, Part of the Helping Children Heal After Divorce Series.
Helping Children Heal After Divorce; Parent-child role reversal. Losing a mate to divorce or death can drive single parents to swap roles with their kids, .
Avoiding Common Child Custody Pitfalls Going through a divorce or separation is never easy, and your emotions may feel very intense or out of the ordinary.
High tensions and hasty actions can make working out a child custody plan much more difficult.